I have been asked many times before. What is a frame of reference? It is my way of perceiving the world which may be different from yours. I will differ with how I see something and therefore how I respond to it. It provides the individual with perceptual process which is often fitting with associated responses which relate to past experiences. It provides the individual with conceptual understanding which relates to how one has integrated their experiences. Since we all have different experiences this means that our conceptual processing on the world , self and others will be different thus, we store different interpretations. Its a kind of filter on reality based on what was affective in the past and thus provides the action set required . However our now reality is different so past strategies and how we see the world may not fit constructively. In other words our frame of reference can be distorted and not helpful to us. We can also re-define stimulation to fit our scripts. In other words I will distort my perception, dis-miss important information and others if this fits with my frame of reference which once upon a time made sense. Now as a grown up I can work this scripty stuff and re-run old survival strategies to keep the whole process going. This I see as living in the past in the present. Problem solving from past scripts and frames of reference rather then using adult energy to look at life as it is and ourselves as how we are.
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In my step 4 I looked at my relationship to my younger brother, I had looked at my part in our conflicts but was uncertain of where the depth of his anger had come from. I recently had the opportunity to ask him. I was sticking my neck out perhaps unwisely. The next morning he did say he had thought about this.
As young adults “me and my problems” was the emotional focus of our Mother because of our close attachment. I did sometimes ruthlessly demand emotional attention but it was never enough to satisfy some deep need and I would tend to reject advice anyway.”NO YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!” my inner child would wail! Seeking attention and then almost rejecting it! A self punishing cycle that is interestingly very “addictive” in it’s dynamics.
From my brothers perspective I weilded immense power in the family, in a sense I was dictating the emotional landscape, though of course I FELT powerless in my own distress. He meanwhile felt discounted and powerless himself.
This was a very eye opening example of how reality can appear to another person and I lesson for me.