We usually behave in destructive and negative ways because of our internal struggles and script process and drivers as well as addiction problems.

The Step 12 breaks the situation down and what is happening to you is not of the ultimate importance that it used to be.  It is a profound step that sounds subtle in its invitation to help suffering others.  However,  it enables people to turn their “vicious cycles” around for the best.  As they are helping another they are also healing themselves.

There is not the time to brood.  There are more important things at stake.  If you are in interpersonal processes that are significant to life changing growth. This then takes a priority over all the stuff that we once wasted our time on.  By being in touch with others and giving to them there is a good chance of  feeling better about the self.  It is not an obligation or a  kindly deed that has patronising connotations but a principled commitment to others.

It stops negative cycles and destructive patterns of behaviours.

It challenges core beliefs that we may have acquired through experiences that are negative.

Step 12 can cross over the habitual interpretations and expectations that we apply to situations that are out of our awareness.  Our habitual scripts that we act out through habit.  Challenging our schemas can help create fresh ways of approaching life.

The Step 12 is a rational step which can challenge irrational negative automatic thoughts that may be based on false assumptions but are deep within our script.  With the practise of living principled these can be replaced with more balanced and positive thoughts about the self.

We can all behave in ways  that have negative reinforcements.  How we act and behave can stop these sequences that can take place.  Instead of feeding to get ones own needs met the Step 12 asks that you think of others first and apply this by action.

We all know that “vicious” cycles in script can make you feel worse .  This is because anything that is reinforced in script can create even more situations that can make you feel worse. By applying the step 12 you can cross transact these sequences thus change them which is relevant to changing how you feel about yourself.

If we are destructive and selfish we start to believe bad things about the self which reinforces negative patterns.

When we are distressed we are likely to act out our scripts destructively which has consequences.  We can then jump to conclusions and not be in reality.  We interpret the world in extreme and unhelpful ways.  By being helpful to others it can stop this process which is counter-productive to feeling a good person.

Our emotions are powerful and we can react to them very quickly.  Not only that we experience more than one emotion at a time.  The really strong emotional processes are “hot” and “powerful” and often based on script.  This is where people often feel powerless to them as they get acted out.

With keeping spiritually connected and helping others we develop more positivity.  This has the effect of balance.  Its this balance that allows a more positive self image and authentic self.  This is where the difficult emotions become less powerful.

All that’s required is heartfelt action and commitment to spiritual priority.

The giving of service is a gift that holds quality.  With this we have a spiritual connotation to the Step 12 process which is important for development and growth.

The giving of service is a heartfelt projection of emotion.  The sharing with our fellow human has so much relational value, principle and identification.

The giving of service is part of being intimate with another human being.  We feed off this emotional diet which can have really positive effects for all that are included in the process.  This is because it is about being real and honest as well as sharing.

The giving of service means seeing that you have the capacity to have the generosity of heart.  Its remembering that human beings want to be decent and kind really and generosity is a powerful area to show you that its possible for you to.

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

This is about being able to go beyond empathy.  The fact that addicts have been there themselves and walked in the shoes.  None of us have the internal organs of the other person so we cannot feel exactly how they do.  However, going beyond empathy is powerful in identification and being there for another with pain that you have felt yourself.

The helping of others is powerful to ones recovery and contributory to a principled way of life.  It is the foundation of integrity and continues to build spiritual awareness.  Its remembering everyone is a teacher to us.  We are not just teachers to others.  Its often difficult situations or people we have dealt with that we need to thank most from what we have learned from them.

The creation of powerful and potent meanings happen when you live life in this way.  To watch people heal and grow is hugely meaningful and purposeful.  It is what makes us spiritual human beings.  It takes us back to who we really are without the mess of life and what societal expectations may throw out.

The helping of others has an exchange that makes you happy and joyful.  It stops people from resting on their laurels.  People  are then a part of life to such an extent that they are  in the action of being part of the “cycle of life”.

It is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of a fit spiritual condition.

We can keep stress under control if we improve our conscious contact to our spiritual self.  By praying for this knowledge in whatever symbolic form this takes.  The Step 11 allows us to cross over our automatic compulsion to go into old “script” and “addiction”.

This is because the action is about a priority.  This priority is about  praying only for the knowledge of “his will”.  The priority again is about  the power to carry this out.  In general the priority is about spiritual connection and spiritual strength.  Therefore its a spiritual will and not about the compulsive will of ones “Script” or “Addiction”.

Negative Script Cycles  and Addiction are very stressful compulsive processes that are about energy for survival.  With this process being out of balance in script and addiction is means there is  prolonged cortisol released.  This can prevent the body from any relaxation and creates blood sugar imbalances physiological negativity.  These can include impaired cognitive performance, high blood pressure, lower immunity and general health problems.

The drivers in our script can elicit stress.   Our script drivers are  similar to the fuel that one puts in their tank.  This  can relate to “trying to hard” and feeling like you are not getting anywhere. The seeking perfection which makes life impossible.  If this is not achieved then nothing is worthwhile.  This often oscillates in addiction where one either fulfil’s something obsessively or not at all. The pleasing off others and then over-adapting which causes resentment.  The expectation of being strong and compensating by medication on substance because of the stress this causes.  Living life in a fast and hurried way and not being able to stay still.

The Step 11 helps in reducing stress and any of the drivers that have become part of our character and script..  This is because it encourages you to engage with prioritising your ever evolving spiritual connection.  It allows you to have acceptance and be willing to distinguish between things you can and cannot change.  Its about the concentration of your spiritual self and asking only for guidance on this rather then mindless comparison with others.

When the stress drivers are activated this Step 11 gives encouragement to practise alternative strategies to help observing the self and spiritual growth.

To practise through prayer and meditation the conscious contact with God allows us to live with much more emotion which  elevates our senses.  We develop qualities of the inner compassionate self which allows empathy, sympathy, forgiveness, acceptance, tolerance, warmth, growth and love. During times of stress we can seek contact more rather then being in “script” which can perpetuate our distress.

A key antidote to this is mindfulness which connects us to our survival strategies in a true and primal way rather then a dysfunctional way via “script”.  Mindfulness connect us to our five senses of vision, hearing, smell, taste and touch.  Often in life we are not still enough to fully engage in this being with our senses.

How often do you really see the countryside with the green as sharp as nature can present it.  Or really looking at pictures in a book without rushing to the next page.  If we are still we can really listen to soothing music or the rustling of leaves or sound of the birds.  Do we really taste our food with sensual pleasure or rush it  down to get on with what’s next to do.  Do we take the time to smell the flowers that are around us or create an ambiance with scented candles which we can enjoy.  We can be the same with touch  as we are not aware of how soothing this can be whether its a tactile hug or a bubble bath.

All of these provide the nurture to our senses and can add to the practise of the step 11. Other practises are as follows which relate to symbolic spiritual touch.

Imagery= The power of our minds and what we can create with our inner worlds from relaxing scenes to developing a fantasy world that is calming and beautiful.

Meaning= and to keep on connecting with ones purpose, values by spiritual practice.  We can read or listen and focus on what is important.

Prayer= We can walk and talk out loud in prayer which means being seen and heard.  Open our hearts out to the higher power and being with great wisdom whatever that may mean to you.  We can even silently ask for strength and then not feel so alone.

Relaxation= We can find this with fun and laughter or with a muscle relaxation practise similar to mindfulness.  We can take hot baths, get massages, be at one with our breath and smile.

Encouragement= Always engage in a positivity to self in maintaining a healthy practise.  It has value when we can say to ourselves, I am not alone, I can stand this, It wont last forever, I can call on my higher power, I am doing the best I can, I can do it, I deserve to do it.

Our higher power is the ultimate nurturer.  Why would we not want to improve our conscious contact with our spiritual side?

This is important to  the Step 11 and treating it  with priority and applying to it the significance it deserves.

People with addiction problems have also experienced huge self devaluation which has a evolutionary threat system that engages with a dysfunctional defence system for protection against pain.  The brains way of responding to this threat has evolutionary survival purposes that trigger anxiety, anger and depression.

The Step 11 is about helping the brain to engage in a different system that enables it to feel safe again.  This is about soothing, caring, connection, love and kindness.  If you imagine a vulnerable child who is scared and shaking in the corner of a room.  How are you going to reach out and sooth that child.  is this by being impatient, critical and devaluing or by gentle connection, compassion and wanting to create safety for that child.

The same applies to the self as we all have that vulnerable inner child.  The Step 11 can help us maintain safety by the nurturing connection to our spiritual side.  It helps to strengthen our soothing system which is about feeling cared for, accepted and having a sense of belonging which is fundamental to our physiological maturation and well-being.

Feeling a positive sense of well being, contentment and safeness are associated with an increased level of the hormones endorphins and oxytocin.  These have been associated with lower mood disorders and stress.

Therefore, the Step 11 is powerful in developing and strengthening helpful patterns of relating to our selves and others.  Its a nurturing step that is about well-being, safety, compassion, acceptance, understanding, guidance and strength.

It’s about giving ourselves what we deserve in making conscious contact.  If we have nurturing compassion we have so much..  We can seek guidance and feel safe.  We can engage with gentle wisdom and feel peace. It is about a presence of kindness without overindulgence.  That is why the step 11 mentions praying for the knowledge of” his will for us and the power to carry that out”. This has meanings attached of its not all about the self absorbed self. The soothing system is about so many different things that don’t apply to selfish needs that often mean we are never fulfilled.

Selfish needs and we cannot really take nurture into our hearts.  Our spiritual giving side allows us the true nurture and compassion to really let the warmth permeate our hearts and souls.  This is about what real compassion and nurture hold for us.  Why would we not want to embrace the Step 11 with willing and open hearts?

We have got to be willing to keep our conscious contact with our spiritual side.  This is not about tolerating, resignation or a obligation to maintain.  Its about reconnecting with values and the spiritual self and opening our arms to maintaining this with a good heart through the symbolic practise.

Its about a commitment to a valued direction and if you flounder to get back on track as soon as you can.  Its not an attempt to be perfect but about being non-judgemental, curious and having a gentle attitude.

If you develop practise which is about staying or accepting the difficulties in life and the emotions that go with this.  This can help with the intensity and we can learn  to “be with” emotion. This is vital in recovery from addiction, compulsive behaviours or any mood disorders.

This is where  symbolic warmth  can involve mindfulness techniques or visualisations to help people step back from “stuff ” that can leave them ungrounded.These are powerful practises that take us right back to the ancient times  where people found ways of managing their moods and connect with their spirit. Mindfulness is a form of self-awareness and attention training adapted from Buddhist meditation.  It has been adapted in western psychology for the treatment of mood disorders and addictions.

In relation to this its about the willingness to take on board the significance of keeping the spiritual practise going for healthy emotional health.  We often live life at 100 miles an hour and keeping spiritual can help with staying still, connected and being grounded.

To be willing to observe and bring awareness to feelings and a connection to self.  To see the power of your breath and the life that this gives you.  To expand the self and make room to evolve in your spiritual practise.  its important to create the space for this in you life as a priority to make peace.

The step 11

Mood management is similar to the Step 11  as its about connecting with a more grounded sense of self.  Mood management involves the regulation of emotions to promote well being.  It is not about avoidance or minimisation but provides strategies that are relevant to spiritual growth and the Step 11 maintenance of self.

If we learn to manage emotions and live life on life’s terms it can help our spiritual growth.  This is relevant to being non-judgemental, observing thoughts, feelings and sensations.  Being open to experiences, being present, and fostering self-compassion.  It can be about letting go of negativity and engaging in behaviour that promotes well-being.

If we are spiritual we can be helped to identify what we really need thus, seeing what our issues really are. In mood management we look at the programming of self which can help this as it relates to our attachments, developmental deficits, core beliefs and the rules we have developed to keep safe.  Its about our “scripts” and how these can impact our moods in a powerful and at times destructive way.

Here mood management can be about keeping a feelings journal or in 12 Steps focus personal inventory and to keep processing so that resentments are not collected which impacts mood.

All of this helps to keep old programming in check as humans become fused with history and script.  Then they act according to the old stuff which makes a loss of identification with self and instead see ourselves as the programming.  This is rather than as someone with the programming in the context of certain experiences.

This is where mood management is an important tool advocate in inviting us to “take a step back”.  It recognises the power of script and that when we automatically believe our thoughts as fact this can generate the most powerful and intense emotion.

Taking a step back is about not treating these as ultimate truths which can lead to unpleasant script cycles and  auto-pilot destruction in addiction.  The step 11 and spirituality is also about taking a step back.  This strengthens the observing self and using visualisation by accepting thoughts but letting then pass through is about defusing compassionately and non-judgementally and accepting the presence of thoughts  but not acting on them.

The practise of the Step 11 helps with acceptance and enables old programming to loose its power over our emotional well-being.  It also help with the observing self as its about staying with connectedness but also being able to step back from script.  In fact the conscious contact cross transacts the script process and old stuff.

It helps us to retrain our minds rather then react automatically.  With this the Step 11 is about a form of mood management.

What  actually is spirituality ?

It means different things to different people and with that I see it as quite be-spoke on how someone connects with the symbolic warmth that is spiritual.

Spirituality is about the different experiences that are part of being human.

It is about a deep seated sense of meaning and purpose in life that connects us with belonging to others and ourselves.  This belonging goes further in connecting us to life itself which holds an acceptance.  This is about the acceptance of life on life’s terms.  All  that is deeply personal and offers a sense of wholeness and meaning.

It is the private realm of though and experience that holds certain common themes.  Its a process of self discovery and learning that guides you not only to who you are but who you want to be.

It challenges you as it  encourages development further then your current limits.  This can include being open-minded, and trying to understand the beliefs of others.

It is a connectedness to yourself and others that is personal.  At the same time it’s rooted in attachment. However, this attachment is healthy and not ambivalent which is further powerful.  This is because people who have suffered difficult attachments with others during their developmental years have a opportunity to experience it differently.  So its about healthy attachment which is kind and loving.  Spirituality is rooted in being connected with others and with the world around you and this can facilitate you finding “your place in the world”.

Spirituality provides meaning, purpose, direction rather then solve or reach conclusion.  It embraces searching, evolving and that life is a process.  Therefore, it lives with uncertainty and has an acceptance of life with all its experiences.

It is a higher power whether rooted in a religion, God, nature or some kind of unknown essence.

Spirituality is our journey to finding inner peace, happiness and serenity.  With this spiritual practise of some kind is essential for this personal well being.

It offers so much benefit to life emotionally, physically, psychologically and developmentally. It gives purpose and can help with guidance to what you are really passionate about.  These positive beliefs with the practise of warmth and all that is symbolic of this can comfort and improve health.

It allows us to better understand our needs from an adult place rather then “acting them out” in “script”.  This is about unmet developmental needs and can be destructive as they don’t work.  The practise of spirituality can give us what we need in a healthy way which stops the acting out in a negative way which often leaves people deflated, demotivated and disheartened.

This spirituality can be so important in times of distress, emotional stress, physical and mental illness, loss, bereavement, addiction and the approach of death.

Therefore, the practise of  Step 11 to improve our conscious contact with “Spirituality” is really important.

The step is about connecting to all that is symbolic of a part of life that touches our hearts.  The intimacy that generates a heartfelt glow and inner warmth and sense of freedom from the shackles that people often feel in life.

To keep in contact with the healthy “stuff” rather then old “stuff” of the negative script.  This could include so many things from prayer, meditation, mindfulness, mother nature, exercise, cherishing relationships, nurture, relaxation, visualization techniques and yoga.  There is so much more that is relevant which leave lots of choice when wanting to fill life with living spiritually connected.

All of these work to provide a “check in” with yourself and help to keep you in the present moment.  Its important because human beings “time travel” in their minds.  They can be in old script stuff one moment and then worrying about the future the next.  This can happen in a matter of seconds or minutes which further reinforces that the mind can be unruly and having “symbolic warmth” is grounding.