For step 6 ” to hand oneself over to the spiritual controller” one has to trust the Higher Power and therefore it has to be seen as nurturing and safe. One of these cannot operate without the other and its a interdependent co-operation of spiritual attunement . Many people struggling with anxiety, depression, anger and addictions experience an overdeveloped sense of self critic and self devaluation. Therefore the higher power needs to be in opposition to this and operate from a place of compassion, re-assurance, inner warmth and understanding to provide the trustworthy containment required for one to be “entirely ready” to hand over control. The higher power is there to accept us, offer guidance and strengthen our wellbeing. Although its a parental introject , it does not mean that it has to be a person or individual as these can be fallible and dis-appointing. This can further reinforce ones script process as it may have being individual parent figures who set up some of the pain in the first place and thus upset us. Therefore, its often a spiritual parent or a connection with something beyond the self and we allow to fill us with the compassion and warmth of this connection. Trust is a big step as its dis-trust and difficult experiences within childhood with those who were parent figures that had the impact on our lives. Influencing the paths taken and decisions made and if we were hurt the finding of self soothers outside the healthy comfort zone. Its like inviting a very vulnerable child into a different frame of reference which does not hold the danger of past experiences. It is a evolving process and sometimes the trust is questioned because of fear. This is absolutely normal and this is why its not just a one off surrender but about being ready and willing. To aim at evolving and learning to be the best we can through time and application and heart.
2 thoughts on “Step 6 Nurturing Parent”
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To be ready is to have trust, and trust is the andidote to fear. It is a hard truth that the kind of essential nurturing that is neccesary to treat addictions cannot come from family, current friends, or partners -in the current situation as it is. The relationshops are toxic to a degree whatever the causes of those conflicts and leaving aside any questions of blame. They can support, but the nurturing must in a sense be unconditional. That does not mean it indulges or encourages self pity and it can also challenge but it does so from a place of loving nutrality. In that spirit the individual can trust and be willing to be ready to change and let go of defects of character or damaging patterns of behaviour and thought. The nurturing parent can be the fellowship asa whole, othe raddicts in rrecovery, the theraputic community and the individual therapist. In my experience the human nurturing dynamic between therapist and the individual can be essential to recovery. The therapist must engage with the drama dymanics of the individual with intimate loving detachment – thats a good therapist!
You always have something really significant to say. If the therapist does not reject the drama but offer empathy and understanding the individual is invited to heal. I also agree that the fellowship does offer a container that is like a nurturing parent which can support and help with identification, belonging and attachment. Trust being the antidote to fear is significant even with early attachment theory. Babies feel safer with secure attachment styles and if this is disrupted their can be difficulties. Additionally nurturing is not about self pity or being spoit. The compassionate nurturer does not rescue and compromise autonomy but is supportive and present.