Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. This is about contemplation and not just taking drastic action before thought. This is about connecting with the inner” Adult Ego” state when making an important decision
In our script process we are often reactive from the past or fear the future because of associated experiences. In Transactional Analysis theory to be in adult is being with the real self. This is to have appropriate executive power with thinking and behaviours. Our psychic energy or cathexis needs to be used when making life decisions.
The step 9 is an important life decision therefore the energy needs to be in adult. That is why thinking about potential injury is significant to the process of amends. To be adult means responding in the here and now situation even if some amends relate to past incidents or relationships. The adult part is about making a decision using your grown up resources to see if it would injure another human being.
The adult is like a filing compartment in which is placed the whole set of strategies for reality testing and problem solving which is now available as a grown up. In addiction connecting with adult is so important for recovery and development. By asking “who would I injure” has the connection to an important adult decision capacity which can be cathartic in itself.
This is why it is an important part of the fabric of step 9. “If we have obtained permission, have consulted with others asked spiritually if the amend would help. If the drastic step of amend is indicated we must not then shrink” . To shrink would be going into script and child which is not developmental.
The step allows for a long period of reconstruction with individuals taking the lead and being in adult. A remorseful mumbling of being sorry is not enough. A amend from a victim position is not enough. The point is to be in adult in our behaviours , thoughts and speak with feeling from the heart. A spiritual life has to be lived and not just talked about.
If an individual is in adult then their behaviour will convince others more then words. Its also about being adult enough to accept that there may be some wrongs that can never be put right fully. This is where the concentration of the experience of the step is important and not just the outcome. To force something with an unwillingness in exchange is harmful and not spiritually caring.
All in all being adult with step 9 and considering others with injury awareness is a good practise for life. This is a life which engages consideration, being humble without being servile or scraping. It is a life of being sensible when considering others and their feelings. It is a life where we choose to stand on our feet and not crawl around aimless. This is in either our negative scripts or in the cycle of destructive addiction. It is a life where we are tactful and loving of ourselves and others. WELCOME TO A LIFE IN ADULT. WELCOME TO A LIFE THAT MINIMISES INJURY THROUGH CARE AND COMPASSION.