I see the above as going hand in hand in my work.  If i understand the little professor, or the parent in the child, or the defences, or the sense of the beliefs , or the reasons for behaving in certain ways to the individuals i meet.  Then i have compassion as i see that why would children not make the decisions they do to get their needs met and survive, be important, be loved, hide behind false pride etc.  This understanding of child logic within us all is seeing the earlier decisions and why they were constructed in our life scripts.  This then allows for compassion which invites tolerance and patience.  This is relevant to step 3 being in small chunks rather then overwhelming change which could create fear.  This i visualise is like inviting out a frightened child from the corner of a room gently, kindly and with care and creating safety in the relationship before you take each others hands and the child then coming in to the adult to be hugged and held for comfort.  Rather like surrendering to the care of the higher power, the nurturer, Handing over “the will” “the structures that no longer work”.  Its handing over and not giving oneself up to further hurt and pain.  Trust and belief and hope can come if we offer understanding and compassion.  If we offer this then we can look at what earlier decisions in ones life script don,t work any-more in adult life.  With safety we can surrender and get to know ourselves more and more.