I see people as having internal little professors inside them which is part of their child ego state.  It is the parent in the child that made the decisions on how to create safety structures at that particular time in life.  A sophisticated part of the human being that is creative and resilient in looking after itself.  It is our survival of the species and we all have different ways of doing this and getting through life.  As adults some of what we do may not make sense but if we take it to the little professor in understanding psychological process it actually makes logical sense.  For example “why be close if i don’t believe i am lovable”  Because i was not shown this when i was little which means you will push me away.  Why Not “Dont Exist” if i had a nasty parent that may be abusive to me so being quite as though i am  not there is safer.  Why Not “Be really clever and the best” because then i get lots of positives from my parents who I love, otherwise I may not get these strokes and they make me happy.  Why Not – Be a princess and get everything i want to feel good and loved as this is what i experienced as i was growing up and therefore see as being loved now.  Why Not split of from who i am in order to deal with a pain that is so bad inside i think i may not be able to live if i don’t do this.  All of this within the child makes logical emotional sense.  These statements are just the language we put to these profound life script defences and sophisticated strategies.  These strategies were decided from a place of emotion and feeling.  Therefore we don’t always remember the reasons for the decisions which were based on feeling.  That is why  I often find language as arbitrary in being able to capture the essence of these mechanisms and  human constructs for safety.  It informs me how scared we are as animals and how some of us have had the most impact full experiences.  Therefore, these processes define us and the fabric of what is constructed in our early journey makes sense in that part of our story.  This is why i always honour the Little Professor within.  What has kept anyone safe deserves this as a humanistic connection. Afterall, what keeps us safe needs acknowledging, understanding and thanking.  This process in itself creates a safety and makes change more palatable.

With all this on how humans protect themselves from pain and thus create defences which are often out of awareness.  I see that step 3 really must hold safety for individuals to even consider the idea of surrender.  Therefore, God in whatever way one believes in the concept, spirit, him, our father ,or, whatever is paramount.  It has to be about a higher power nurturer in some way shape or form to be able to contain the power of scripts and internal contaminations people have inside them. THIS IS IMPORTANT for safety.  Otherwise people would not let go. Why would they let go of strategies that once protected them even if they did not do the job as well now.  Letting go is such a big human fear thus, its natural to hold onto defences even if they are counter-productive.  Individuals need the nurture, compassion and safety to let go.  WHY WOULD THEY OTHERWISE?  The hope, the nurture and then the action of step 3.  This step is such a big leap that it makes sense that it is often broken down into  smaller, separate hurdles.  Its not about suddenly changing everything but fundamental changes of letting go of stuff in our lives that can happen gradually as we work recovery and the programme.  I believe this is important so people can see that they don’t have to be afraid of this step.  That this step will do something that one is not ready for.  This step is about surrendering to care. It is not about control , or hurt or making us mindless.  Its a simple decision to change direction, stop rebelling or over -adapting, stop wearing ourselves out trying to stop things happening or creating drama.  We have to see this step as tender and loving to invite the safety that’s required to let go.

The defence mechanisms we form in our early years are part of our “self Will”.  They are enduring protective patterns of behaviour that provide a defence against the awareness of what is anxiety producing.  If we are uncomfortable with feelings we develop these strategies to survive hurt, pain and fear.  There are so many endless examples its impossible to list.  The individuals who think they are not tolerated, may push others away, individuals with be strong and not feel may be workaholic and struggle to be intimate, the co-dependent matriarch is powerfully motherly for her own needs, the one who does not feel like he exists may sit back in silence but collect anger and be ready to explode due to overload.  The individual who has to be clever and hide behind intellectualisation rather then have relationships. The lovely lady who only thinks that she is worthy if objectified by the opposite sex due to lack of self worth as a person.  The talented individual who discounts what they are good at and feels shame if anyone sees.  The person who has tried to be so good all the time they have lost their sense of who they are.    We are all affected by defences to feel okay about ourselves to survive a world.  This world has other people  in who are also saving face.  This means a presentation that we can give over which protects the really vulnerable soft part.  Often this is so that no-one can hurt us.  The Psychologist Goffman often wrote about drama theory.  That we all have a role that’s handed to us from attachments and life experiences.  This role has regalia , etiquette, expectations, patterns, presentations and we practise it so much it becomes us.   Its a never ending game of life where we all have roles to play out which helps construct a false self.  This is so much so that we forget what the real self is about and wants and needs.  We can be hidden and this is not just from others, it is also “hidden from ourselves”.  I often see the world as an emotional jungle that can be emotionally intimidating to many and its no wonder so much armour is created to protect.  Understanding these games, defences and patterns can be so useful.  All human beings are vulnerable, it is universal, no matter what they have or what walk of life they come from.  Therefore, all human beings have defences to protect themselves from life itself and all that this may mean to them as an individual.  This  then relates to early life and the experiences collected during that journey.  This is the stuff of ones “life Scripts”  this includes  what defences one built which were often decided due to protection and useful to that certain period of that particular time.  However, what worked once upon a time does not mean to say it will work now.

The idea of our will often can be seen as what we hold onto, almost for dear life.  This is because it was about our life and how we dealt with it, the decisions we made that we may not even be aware of it.  Sometimes when working I see the will as the “Tasmanian Devil ” in people, they will hang on in there with incredible will and force.  I do see it as endearing and from a place of child, the rather stubborn and resistant and adamant.  However, at times “this will” has not served people well and can even be self destructive.  In addiction this is certainly the case as addicts hold onto old scripts, beliefs, feelings, grudges, judgement and anger etc etc. Like their life depended on it.  By the time they come to rehabilitation their life depends on them  letting ” the will” go.  What was once believed served the addict well in serving ones needs in behaviours and substance really must go  to survive.

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.  A very powerful decision which can be liberating for many reasons.  We surrender all that holds us back, that we cling on to for counter-productive safety.  What does this mean?  We are fear based animals and will hold onto patterns of behaviours and thoughts that once may have been a form of safety and survival.  For example, holding onto certain beliefs ,such as, being strong and not showing feelings is how we must be, or not liking certain types of people or situations because in the past they represented hurt, keeping away from people because of shame, not reaching out because of pity.  THE LIST IS SO LONG AND FULL OF DIFFERENT JUSTIFICATIONS, REASONING, EXPLANATIONS THAT WE THINK MAKE LOGICAL SENSE.  However, these are not usually in reality and the consequences can be not feeling good.  Therefore all these that inhabit our Life Script, what we have collected over the years from attachments to parents, school experiences, friendships, expectations, relationships, drivers, love and self esteem.  AGAIN THE LIST IS ENDLESS.  hold us back.  They can be like rocks or bricks to carry around without even knowing it.  The letting go whether life was justified or not frees us from all this stuff that can be so counter-productive.  It rather reminds me of the film scrooge and the first ghost Marley who came to visit to show the best way forward in life.  All the relentless chains of baggage that the character had constructed.  The letting go and turning ones life over can liberate one to a more simplistic life which makes room for a healthier existence.

There are many ways to contact your higher power.  Sometimes just being with mother nature can give this inner contentment and love for being alive.  You can use your subconscious by allowing yourself to “BE” in whatever experience you are in, whatever context and whatever time.  Don’t force what is unneeded in the world at that moment for you.  JUST BE.  Take time out for reflection and spiritual contemplation.  Even sleep time and dream time can be a time for asking the higher power to take over and rearrange thoughts so that the pyramid of attention is rebuilt in sequential and healthy order.  The higher Power can be the basis of our structure, the attention does not have to be a lot but if worked it becomes the biggest rung of ones ladder.  It can rebuild thought structure, loosen the tensions, allow the freedom of holding nothing back.  The entire structure of thoughts if toxic can be rebuilt as we can be reborn.  With this one does not have to be ashamed as unconditional positive regard is a given and one is accepted.  This does not mean all behaviours are accepted and we are rescued.  To be accepted is to hold a more healthy core self,  to be worthy gives us self esteem and to have meaning is to awaken to a dawn with sunlight in our hearts.  We can bath with spiritual light with the higher power and its compassion.  This can provide the solidity that humans seek.  If having a difficult day go to the safety of this process in whatever way makes sense, meetings, meditation, relaxation, prayer, connection and love.  This solidity can provide light, and hope.  In psychological terms it can be like going into the safety and warm of the arms of a loving parent.

What is substance really?  Deep in the back of your mind, do you really ever remember a time of peace and serine containment.  This can be seen as the heart of God, the joy of soul or the  compassion of the higher consciousness.   You recall that feeling of total fulfilment, like being in an embryonic sac, feeling your wholeness breathing with your experience.  That feeling of synchronizing with another, intimacy with self and the experience that is full of love.  this is the essence of the love that you miss with your heart and your soul as an addict.  Substance is a mass of inert energy crystallized into form.  It is wooden or lifeless which is something to turn to  alleviate emotion and loneliness of the soul.  Addiction can be seen as the lesser choice for a substitute of lesser quality when really what is searched for is the closeness and warmth of love.  Think of it as joining with the substance in a internal cuddle with the desire of ending the nightmare of fear and emotional pain.  You want something that will make you feel peace or fun loving joy etc, You choose a external source to create and internal state.  The two can never be reconciled, so you have set yourself up in an impossible situation.  Addiction to substance is best burned away in the same eternal flame of desire that originally ignited it.  Use the energy of longing for love to quench your endless cycle of chasing love.

I do know some that see the Higher Power as the perfect nurturer.  I am resistant to anything with the word perfect as it can invite us into expecting things that don’t match up, fulfil or even exist.  I see it as the “More Then Good Enough Nurturer”  if used in the right way with open heart and mind and not for self seeking rescue.  The higher power can strengthen our well being and sense of safeness as the connection with this can anchor and contain.  A connection with something outside ourselves and others that we can turn to for compassion, acceptance, understanding, guidance and strength in helping us to cope and be with our difficult emotions as well as experience pleasant emotions.  For many people this is so important as in addiction they have lost a sense of connection with themselves and their values.  Additionally, if ones childhood did not hold much healthy patterning or relating we can hold internal beliefs that we somehow don’t deserve any compassion.  This is why the 12 step language of the compassion of the higher power is important .  People are fallible and we can feel disappointed which can reinforce childhood experiences.  This pattern can be cross transacted with the Higher Power as nurturer.  The higher Power is present, kind , wise and guides without overindulgence.  It can represent anything that you imagine that has meaning and substance to you.  This can be from god, angels, images, bright shining light, nature or a higher consciousness.

I really relate the idea of re-parenting to what is the substance of step 2 and the higher power.  I first learned about re-parenting at my work in Birmingham where the clients were on the “last chance corral” with us in a therapeutic community.  I saw the most amazing work being done with those that the mental health system would regard as un-workable with and the idea of rehabilitation being an option only funded for the individuals if there was nothing else left but institutionalisation.  Here within the safety of a loving community more edgy therapy work could take place and clients were contained and lovingly attended to.  Everyone worked from the heart and with this healthy relationships were learned about, different values instilled,  negative and toxic self beliefs challenged,  self destructive behavioural patterns were replace by healthier habits and individuals grew and developed with love and learning.  They went through a process of de-confusion where all the mush inside their heads which hurt their hearts were acknowledged but re-aligned and balanced out to provide some clarity and peace.  Then with therapy their punitive parental ego states were de-contaminated over a period of time.  This allowed their inner child some safety to learn new things and ways of being, freeing up their spirits and healing their hearts and bringing some joy into their souls.  This process took time as human beings are like chemistry sets where to many new ingredients could set up a fizz of overwhelm.  Nevertheless, the once though of impossible did happen and people got well.  They went back to study, some getting degrees, they got married, they got jobs and had social lives, they had kids, they travelled and “THEY HAD A LIFE”.  This really captured my heart as I saw the power of human healing and what can be done with compassion and kindness without rescue.  I see the Higher Power as a form of re-parenting, re-spiriting- re-socialising , re-evolving etc etc  Whatever you like to call it is an individual choice.  Its the fact that we all have the capacity to introject something new which is healthy and loving that has the power to engage us with a more spiritual path and put down different foundations with values that are worthwhile.

The higher power has to have the nurturing qualities that we all crave for and need whether we are in denial of this or not.  From the beginning of life we were dependent on this and in a different way this does not change in adulthood.  Many people struggling with addiction, depression, anger experience an overdeveloped sense of self criticism and self devaluation and very little self compassion due to a range of factors that have shaped their lives.  The higher power challenges this internal bully that individuals has tended to form and keep them locked in a cycle of unpleasant emotions and shame.  The brain experiences harsh criticism and devaluation as a threat and responds with anxiety. Therefore step 2 is a powerful soothing system which can provide an escape from very negative old ways.  Feeling cared for and accepted, having a sense of connection and belonging is fundamental to our survival and well being.  I see step 2 as having the power to re-engage individuals with their physiological maturation and having the ingredients associated with increased levels of hormone endorphins and oxytocin.  The increased levels of these hormones have also been associated with lower depression levels.  Therefore developing the spiritual connection to step 2 is further strengthening helpful patterns of relating to our selves and others in a way of regulating our emotions and moods by stimulating feelings of compassion, self reassurance, inner warmth and self soothing.  Furthermore it enables engaging  “with life” ” with pain”  and “experiences” rather then avoiding.  THIS IS SO IMPORTANT AS STRUGGLE IS PART OF LIFE’S FABRIC.  We have to learn to take the good with the bad.