In addiction the protective armours of denial and defiance are so entrenched that the insanity of the process is something that one holds onto because it is familiar.  Fear is such a driver in this as the addict is dammed if they do and dammed if they don’t. Its so ironic that humans hold onto both emotional stuff as well as substance or unhealthy behaviours to keep safe yet this is ultimately killing them.  Such a cycle of destruction and power I see  as a “whirlpool” of pain, confusion and fear.  With this it is no wonder that the “Higher Power” is so important in recovery and the start of that journey.  It has to be of spiritual quality much more powerful then us.  This makes sense as we are the ones who in early attachment and the experiences of life have  contributed to the emotional difficulties that many people face.  We are our own maker of emotional difficulties that unfortunately have destructive consequences for many.  Many humans do not intentionally hurt or want to create insecure adults.  However, our sensitivity and complexity does make this a common theme in man.  To me it makes sense that our healer in the process has to be a power higher then ourselves to provide the trusting stability in inviting one to hand over themselves to this.  Giving up the fight for some brings up so much survival angst.  The higher power is about being soothing  this and only asking for honesty, open-mindedness and willingness.  It does not rescue or judge but has spiritual compassion and heartfelt warmth.

In the science of psychology the field of attachment has been really important to the study of human thinking and behaviour.  Since we right at the beginning of life are so dependent it is no surprise that this process of how we relate to  significant others is fundamental to our emerging adult.  There have been many profound writers in this area of work which is a continued evolving process rather like ourselves.  From Klien who said that at the start of life there is confusion as the child begins to recognise that the parent is both good and bad.  If the baby is fed straight away then comfort and warmth and security is attached to the relational feeding process.  If the baby has to wait or has colic afterwards the parent is experienced as scary or bad.  At first the baby separates the parent and sees them as 2 people as it cannot take in the idea that the comforting one can also be the one that causes pain.  Here we see our sensitivity right at the start because of our primal needs of food warmth and security which the baby cannot do alone. WE ARE DEPENDENT as babies.  No other animal on the planet looks after its young the way we do and holds the same emotional sensitivity in the bonding process.  Therefore attachment theory and the human experience is bound to hold some sort of confusion.  In relation to the higher power perhaps the invitation to be open hearted is also to let another attachment enter on another level which does not profess to be perfect or rescue but to be there with ones life and different  experiences.  The great thing about this is as adults we are not the baby who has to go through the pain of awakening to the parent being both good and bad.  Although i do think that cases of denial of toxic relationships and putting people on pedestals holds this early stuff of wanting the ideal.  Its the fabric of romantic illusion in life that can be in the human tissue of yearning to see the perfect and not wanting to look at reality.  Its hard to prove but why would it not make sense that this very process starts as early babies and the pain of having to accept that who you thought was  so good and safe is also not.     Hopefully we have learned this and can see that people and our attachments are not perfect.  With this we have the choice to put our expectation into a more healthy framework and this includes ones connection to a higher power..

I came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.  The power of a spiritual parent in the 12 steps process is the solution to the problem of addiction and the beginning of emergence into a new life. The invitation of this is to open ones heart to a spiritual connection and be open minded.  This process does not mean being forced but asks one to cease arguing and “you will slowly come to believe”.  trust the process.  Thousands have before you and they are the evidence that it works. WOW it is pretty amazing stuff that is not explainable in standard scientific terms.  I can see this in psychological terms though as a healthy re-attachment process to a spiritual power that provides healthy parenting.  That being open minded and ceasing arguing cuts through defences to allow this process to begin.  Over time one can become re-socialised with the higher power which becomes an important attachment that is always there and provides such a connection that it allows the anchoring and belonging that humans needs. The values that the higher power parent teaches such as humility being placed first even though it is compatible with intellect.  Really invites ones natural inner child which holds so much feeling, warmth and potential for bonding, being cared for and doing the same for others.

The Higher Power can be seen as a Nurturing Parent that one can call on and pray to.  This is working the process not just in times of need but as part of oneself.  Otherwise we go back to fearful neediness and only asking when we need the back up.  To feel connected with the higher power in life generally is a special attachment.  It is like no other attachment as it contains a gentleness with it powerful presence.  Something that us a humans struggle with as power is often mis-used.  Its almost like a spiritual role model in how to be a safe, gentle and powerful force and presence appropriately.  The nurturing parent part of the higher power does not justify us and rescue.  The nurturing parent part of the higher power is empathic, compassionate and supportive.

A higher level of consciousness that is spiritual, warm hearted and kind.  Furthermore  this is to value compassion and love.  To see this process as making us stronger, more emotionally resilient and then feel more confident.  The idea of empathy and adding it to our principled self.  The understanding for how others feel and think whether sad or angry.  To forgive others and ourselves challenges our internal critics minimising condemnation, retribution and negativing. To accept and to tolerate is proactive and open hearted and far from passive and soft.  All of these help us to develop feelings of warmth which are required for healthy recovery.  The step 2 and calling on ones higher power can help us keep our emotional principles in place.  To work with our internal healthy parent rather then go back into unhealthy script patterns and the dis-comfort of feeling like a vulnerable child.  The internalisation of this can develop growth, change and is life enhancing.  We learn that taking responsibility does not have to be full of fear

We take in from our environments and caregivers how to look after ourselves and others.  Here our attachments can determine how we feel, think and behave in our parent ego state.  The content of our parent is defined as the set of memory traces of these parental, thoughts, feelings and behaviours.  In formal language we call this process parental introjects.  To introject something is to swallow it whole rather then take in parts of something or chew something up.  This is typical of what children do with their parental modelling.  A child experiences the parent a lot of the time as issuing commands and defining the world.  Therefore the content of the parent will contain this which then forms a large part of ones script.  If someone has a difficult time with a parent then much of the parent ego state can be contaminated or may even be excluded.  Here step 2 can help the healing process by taking in a much healthier and spiritually well parent.  Or even if one has had good parental experiences the introjection of a spiritual parent is a comfort and joy.  This introjection of the higher power- the process by which aspects of what this means and values that it holds can be of huge benefit.  It can lead to the formation of a spiritual internal world which can keep evolving thus, learning.  The spiritual parent can be absorbed into or incorporated within the self.

This is a powerful step that invites us to open our hearts to the idea of a higher power.  Although the fellowship can refer this step to God I see it  as very individual to each and every one of us.  It has the potential to give us a warm and spiritual glow in our hearts and put our minds on a path of kindness.  It holds compassion as the step invites us to be Godly which is kind and generous.  If you are not a believer in God you can look at this step as being Godly.  In psychotherapy I see it as us developing a inner parent that looks out for us.  Even if the process is spiritual and outside of us by following step 2 we develop a parental ego state that holds nurture and compassion that can guide us in life.  It has a nurturing quality thus contributes to a positive direction even in times of struggle.  This step offers the spiritual connection that something more powerful then us is there, we belong and we are not alone and can depend on its guidance if we let it in.  For those who have had minimal parental guidance and support in their lives this step is so significant to healing.

This step is about powerlessness and admitting this over whatever one is addicted to.  Just owning the meaning of this can be extremely painful and fearful.  Human beings are clingy to whatever they once found soothing .  This dependence eventually causing harm to others and destruction.  To continue with this the addict has to create delusion as a defence to protect the survival stash whatever it may be.  If we relate this to script and attachment,  the infant gets clingy over what its survial needs are which are about feeding and being  dependent on its caregivers.  Without this a huge creation of insecurity can leave a child with ambivalence, confusion or disordered attachment styles.  Here we can see the process of seeking certainty in soothing which can be compensated with a love of substance or certain behaviours which fullfiill these primal needs.  However, these unhealthy dependences eventualy lead to the unmanageability of life.  The dillema is the infant seeks this for comfort.  The adult then may seek to feed and sooth for comfort in the same primal way.  Or if life feels difficult anyway we can reach for dysfunctional self soothers.  This could be for ways to keep going and dealing with stuff.  Its a coping mechanism driven by emotional stress or because we have not found functional ways to self sooth or be productive.  The idea that some humans can anaesthetize for a period of time and others can’t is like Russian Roulette in our society.  The terrible cycle is that what once worked to sooth our needs, no longer does.  Being association animals and going back to previous experiences that once felt good or functional adds to the cycle of destruction.  This is because in our brain we log what our past experiences are and keep these stored in memory and feeling.  Here addicts can often compartmentalise or dis-miss if necessary how bad things were and even have euphoric recall over the good times even if life resulted in terrible consequences.  Its almost like admitting the unmanageability of how life has turned out is laden with grief.  This could be because of having to let go of something that one was once so attached to and even loved. Here because of development and script  we are all suseptible to being needy.  In my work on life script i have seen the same pain attached to making re-decisions on ones life path as i have letting go of addiction.  That is why i think the 2 are interdependent and intrinsically linked to a complex web of the fabric of being human and wanting safety needs met.  Additionally, . because we are all human then being safe and unmeanageability is in conflict with emotion.  This can then escalate into addiction cycles or emotional disorders, for example, obssessive compulsive or bipolar. The feeling of life holding unmanageability can be very fear based and full of inner turmoil and pain.

Often in life i see people project onto others that its everyone else that has issues “not me”.  I find this very interesting as due to the complexity of the human being i think we are hard pushed to see anyone without issues worldwide.  I rather look at people as having gritty bits because of being part of the human race.  This can be liberation itself as we can let go of all this mythical stuff of its everyone else regardless of whether its about addiction or other stuff.  “Its all stuff”  AS THIS IS THE STUFF OF LIFE.  This is why  when being part of the fellowship it can dilute the absolute humiliation that one can experience in life.  I see this as part of life script as most people during the course of childhood have experienced humiliation and shame.  A horrible and painful part of being human and this is where i see infant development as holding trauma.  The addict feels huge shame and  being  judged further compounds the shame.  In society addiction is judged and this is why addicts need other addicts to heal.    To accept the animal we are we have to accept that we all have issues, gritty bit or flaws.  The shame of this often causes individuals to feel vulnerable thus powerless.  This can be hidden just as an addict hides which has consequences as “secrets can make us sick”.  This is about emotional sickness if we keep stuff inside and dont accept ourselves and the fabric of life.  This knowledge has to move from our heads to our hearts for any moment of healing and clarity.  This is a soothing mechanism iself that goes back to early development.  As babies we did not think ourselves fed, soothed or attached.  As babies we felt ourselves, fed, soothed or attached.  This is powerful in itself when looking at the phenomena of addiction.

This is about admiting defeat and every natural instinct cries out against the idea of this because of the fear and letting go of control.  The obsession to feed in whatever form is a primal instinct that in addiction turns into a destructive cycle.  We need to feed and be soothed.  For most individuals whatever using or drug of choice mainifested, it was about soothing and feeding.  This then turns into a mental obsession so powerful it can be fatal and no act of self will or personal conquest unaided is able to manage.  Whatever once was a friend or soother is then an enemy which once may have been loved.  A dilemma of infant suvival needs to be fed and soothed that is transfered into a primal insanity and phenomenon of craving.  This craving is so high its almost like ones life is dependent on it.  Just like the early infant who’s life did depend on being fed and soothed to attach, grow and develop.  This stimulus hunger in addiction i see as a developmental primal need and feed that goes terribly  wrong thus ultimately destroys life.  I also believe that addicts can’t win this on their own and recover with their own resources.  This is because if the human infant was dependent at birth on others for survival why would this process not be the same when one is struggling with addiction. WE GO BACK TO OUR EARLY DEVELOPMENT AND BASIC NEEDS FOR HUMAN EVOLVING.  The need to feed in addiction is like this dependent primal need  thus, we have to go back to early strategies and become attached as we once were as babies to get our needs met in different ways.  This to me makes sense in a way that is logical in relation to early human developement.  I our adult it is about insanity and the consequences fit this.  However, if we look at infant logic on survial then it makes sense to feed and sooth.  This goes wrong and addiction follows in all its destructive forms.  Here we see how early life script needs are transfered into the present as the addict  seeks early developmental emotional fixes.  The complexity here is what we once needed as infants for survival is transfered into adulthood in a selfish and destructive form.  Furthermore, we keep our inner child with us all through our lives in memory, feelings, unconscious, behaviours and preferences.  If this is the case then we dont just move on from early neediness but find a way to get some of this as a grown up.  Addiction can relate to this process of child needs which results in the eventual  consequencess of powerlessness and emotional torture.